no, he came in my armpit
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
