Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
