Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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