i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize