I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
