I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
