my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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