we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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