So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
