I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
