what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
