I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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