My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
