my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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