at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
