hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
