We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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