Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize