So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
