He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
