i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
