Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
