Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
