I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
