everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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