So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize