What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
