he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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