NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
