i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
