dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
