We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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