Duck Duck Cougar?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
