Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
