The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
