i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
