12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
