Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
