dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
