i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
