My hair reeks of homosexuality.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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