U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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