I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
