Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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