I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He passed out mid-signature
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
