I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
