I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
