Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
