I could have mohawked her pubes.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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