we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
