i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize