yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
