She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
