He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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