I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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