he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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