theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
