I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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