i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Everything about him screamed your future.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
