some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
