Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
