just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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