Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
