Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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