i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
