Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
