dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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