I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
