How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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