I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
