Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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