who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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