i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
