ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
