I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i've created a new STD.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
