YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
