have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
