The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I looked at my own cervix.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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