Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
