Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
