just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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