It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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