so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
