I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Thank you for not boning my boss.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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