I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
