you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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