Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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