You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
