I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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