Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
