If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
As shirtless as possible
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize