Is it because I queefed?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
