What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
