toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
