I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
