He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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