I'm laying in your front yard are you home
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
