got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
