People in love make me want to vomit
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize