glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You work out of a Hotel?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Randomize
