They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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