Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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