Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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