Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
