so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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