My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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