Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
