does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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