420 ftw
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
