i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
