she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
