everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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