I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize