I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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