All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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