I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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